---
title: "Help for families of people with addiction — free, online"
description: "Support for families of people with addiction: how to help without losing yourself, what to avoid and where to find strength. Free and online."
url: "https://spas.life/en/for-family"
language: "en"
---

For family

# You love them — and you are exhausted. That is okay.

Living beside a person with addiction is chronic stress, anxiety, hope and disappointment all over again. You deserve support no less than they do.

## What you are probably feeling right now

You can love someone and be angry at them at the same time. Fear for them and fear them. Want to help — and not know how. Feel guilty for behavior you did not choose. All of this makes sense. You are not alone.

## What helps

01

### Set boundaries without ultimatums

"I will not give you money for alcohol" is not cruelty — it is care for you both.

02

### Do not take responsibility for their choice

You cannot cure them by willpower. Only they can make the decision themselves.

03

### Do not cover the consequences

When you hide, pay and make excuses, the addiction lasts longer.

04

### Talk about feelings, not behavior

"I get scared when you do not answer" works better than "you were drinking again".

05

### Take care of yourself

You cannot help another person if you are destroyed yourself.

## What is better not to do — even out of love

Most of the things that destroy recovery are done with the kindest intentions. This is important to understand — not to blame yourself, but to act more wisely.

### Paying their debts and covering the consequences

When you pay off debts, explain to their boss why they did not show up, or take on their responsibility — the addiction loses its cost. Consequences are part of the healing.

### Making ultimatums and not following through

"One more time and I leave" only works if you are ready to leave. Empty threats teach the person that your words are worth nothing.

### Searching and hiding

Pouring out the bottle, searching pockets, checking the phone — this is not control, it is the illusion of control. And it costs you enormous energy.

### Rescuing them from any discomfort

Addiction often holds on because life without the substance feels unbearable. When you make it too comfortable, the motivation to change fades.

### Staying silent and enduring alone

Shame about a loved one with addiction keeps you silent. But isolation destroys you — and does not help them. Talking about what is happening is allowed and necessary.

If you recognized yourself in these points — it is not a reason for guilt. It is a reason to talk with us. Mentors for relatives know this situation from the inside.

## What codependency is

Many relatives of people with addiction need help themselves — but for a different reason. Codependency is when your whole life, mood and sense of meaning revolve around another person. We can talk about that too.

* * *

## You need support too

You can ask a question or book a separate call with a mentor — one just for relatives.

[Ask a question](https://spas.life/en/contact) [Book a call](https://spas.life/en/booking)